Eh

Do you ever go through your day just fine, then in the quiet or dark, some thought of what happened today bubbles to the surface, gets you to start thinking & it starts to bug you? Ya I'm going to start sharing those. I find writing/venting therapeutic. I warn you - the following is a spilling over of my thoughts with maybe no brilliance or point, or possibly something or nothing in there. I donno?

Today we had a meeting with relative of CEO who has some random position in the company. This person starts talking about a training session they did and apparently didn't like the feedback or participation of a certain individual in my team. It was quite veiled and indirect, but my truth-o-meter and see through BS meter is quite attuned since I've been manager. I've had to navigate political minefields and learn to read into every stupid fing situation to keep things afloat. Yeay? It's like practicing... Mind/body language reading and always trying to see past the BS layers. A lot of work and makes me tired doing it all day.

Anyway the thing that is bugging me, is the feeling that this person was blaming one of my people for being honest and not liking or agreeing with something other person was championing for. It felt like this person wants everyone in my team to be agreeable and like everything they do. Really? People can't have their own disagreeing opinions about things? I thought it was an anonymous feedback survey. Shouldn't you learn to take that feedback and try to grow from it, instead of attacking the person who had a different opinion? *sigh

I guess I'm just so annoyed that someone else thinks everyone should agree or respect each other's opinions. Or maybe I'm annoyed someone doesn't agree with me and my views that people can disagree? Ironic right? Pot kettle black? Ya probably. Maybe?

So ya. I guess part of allowing different opinions is that you are going to get different opinions. You can't please all the people all the time. You have to accept that people aren't going to get along. There isnt really a utopia. Instead it's usually this dynamic, catalyst that causes energy, action, and stuff that well - cheesy I know but can be creative synergistic or destructive. Shiva, Godess of life and death. Sorry extreme tangent & we're watching Dexter season Doomsday religious killer.

So anyway my point is, it was bugging me that this person felt like we all had to "like" their idea or session and they didn't like that someone in my team didn't like their ideas.

Also there were some veiled comments about me being too nice and just accepting people for who they were and trying not to change them into conforming stepford corporate robots. Im the kind of boss who doesnt micro and lets you be who you be as long as the work gets done. Ya maybe I should look at myself too at all my imperfections and cracks - or maybe you can suck it. Of course getting defensive, but damned if you do and damned if you don't right? I mean - everyone has criticisms but can't walk the talk. Ugh. So ya. Sometimes I deal with a lot of BS and it's trying to find something useful out of it. Trying to grow flowers out of shit.

So ya. Sorry for the ramblings.

So I guess my lesson is I need to start being more tough and critical, or as a boss, stop trying to make things "get along" and instead be a creative positive catalyst. Maybe stirring up the dust and challenging people is good, instead of always trying to calm the waters and keeping everything mild and easy. My best weight loss happened partly out of anger, that someone didn't believe I could do it. Maybe the world is inspired by both light positive & dark negatives. As Pinterest says, "like photographs, we develop from negatives".

So anyway maybe my ramblings did have a point. I need to stop being a doormat nice sweet agreeable person & start causing some waves. Interesting....