So, lately I've been feeling much better about myself, and I think it's directly related to not regularly checking Facebook. There are a number of things that may be improving my mood I understand. Lately I've been trying to eat better, we've been taking walks after work, we've been not obsessing over our new home and actually had friend/fun time outside the house. Although these things probably contribute to my better mood, I think Facebook may be the biggest factor and largest culprit.
Let me explain. So, in Facebook, you are literally connected to way more people than you ever really talk to or know all that well. You're connected to everyone you went to high school or college with. You see posts from every family member on there. You're connected to coworkers and friends you are well acquainted with or hardly know very much at all. The only connection you need for Facebook, is to know a person's first and last name. The majority of your Facebook family are people who aren't in your regular circle of friends/family.
That being said, the majority of posts consist of the following:
- bragging about something awesome that someone just experienced
- unimportant details about what someone just did
- flattering photos of things that matter to that person
- topics or news articles that range from very to mildly interesting that someone could find if they surfed online for about 30 minutes.
- a funny or clever thought
- bad news or good news
There are other topics out there I'm sure, but I'll just state these ones for now.
I think my depression last week started when, I think it must have been a Monday morning or at least felt like one, where I read the news feed and 4 people posted something fantastic or wonderful that happened in their life. Got a promotion, got a surprise trip to Europe, pictures of us at Ascott and just had something amazing happen. It's like getting that annoying Christmas letter from that uncle who spends an entire letter bragging about his kids - my cousins - who all went to Ivy league schools and who are all ridiculously rich and successful. Except it's not once a year, it's pretty much a few times a week. I'm not an envious person, but I had nothing really fantastic happen to me in the past 72 hours. Life was normal/good, but not in a "post it on Facebook for everyone to read" kind of way. It made me very depressed for the rest of the week, because I felt so small, inconsequential and unimportant in my day to day life. I felt like a failure because someone else was a high powered lawyer or someone else made a small fortune gambling in Vegas or another person who I went to school with was suddenly incredibly successful. Who was I, living day to day with this not so extraordinary existence.
So I stopped reading Facebook posts after that, and slowly, my mood and general unhappiness in my life started to lift. I started taking joy in the little things in my life that made me happy. I stopped looking at what other people were doing and started doing my own thing, and shock, was finding myself fulfilled and happy and satisfied with what I was doing. Then I started to think, why all of a sudden, was I ok with my lot in life. It's because I stopped looking at what everyone else was doing.
Facebook is tough to beat, because you find out about event plans and friend updates that are important. People automatically assume if you're on Facebook and they post it - you'll know what's going on with them. What ever happened to the art of conversation or an email saying - hey how are you, this message is just for you?
But the more I haven't been checking it, the more I don't know what i'm missing. I'm not seeing the giant network of people's "this is why my life is so much better than yours" posts. I'm very competitive, and the fact is, it makes me feel bad in comparison to see other people doing so much better in life. Then again, if you look at mine, I'm sure people are jealous and I really do have it pretty good compared to a lot of other people. The thing is, I don't post every awesome thing that happens to me, for everyone to see.
Anyway, I think I officially am not a fan of Facebook. I think i'll check it irregularly. I might avoid the news feed and just go on people's pages and see what they're up to. The people I really care about, not the person I went to high school with that I hardly know who is going on an amazing ski vacation in the Alps. I'll check on my good friend from college who is a mom with 2 kids and just wants to pay her bills on time and raise her kids right. Plus I might start really appreciating all the stuff around me, instead of wishing I was someone else.
All my life, I traveled a lot. I switched between parents and they both moved and lived in different places quite frequently. For a long time now, I've sort of felt like a nomad. But, I could easily say that the past 2 years have been the most tumultuous, crazy, stressful and bumpy of my life. I left a prestigious, well paying, highly stressful job for a personal sabbatical of traveling and reflection in 2007. 2007 and 2008 were filled with adventures and mis-adventures throughout California, Asia and Europe. Reconnected with family and tried to re-prioritize what was really important. 2008-2009 There were job/career issues (still are), and a move back home with relatives because of the economy. In 2009 there was a sickness, a death and my own major medical emergency and surgery - the worst moment of my life so far. Along with this, we had an engagement and a wedding to plan and execute. Early 2010 we were focusing on buying a home, a small condo, but a place to finally call our own.
